to the abtracts of this world

i remember one time hearing a scolding happening, it goes something like this... by now at this age you should know yourself enough that when you are asked to commit to something and you know full well that you cant deliver then say that you cant

ooops! somehow i felt i was being scolded too

i was just talking to a friend and realized that at my age im still trying to live in a world that expects routine and order
but cant

order in stuff
i have (a bit) obsessive compulsive friends, when you look inside their bags, their stuffs are too neat and everything seems to be placed in proper order and everything seems to be new and clean
my being obsessive compulsive is limited to some set of things. like i dont like it anymore when the color of hangers that are side by side are not the same, the coil of the mobile charger when returned to me is not the same as how i coiled it, etc
seems silly, but you wouldnt expect that of me because when you look inside my bag, its a mess, because i have this habit of just dropping things in
so since im trying to emulate my OC friends, there are some mornings i spend lots of time trying to put order to my bag, but the next day when i dont do that im finding myself again rummaging where the wallet is because the last night in the cab i just shoved it in

lets move to...

order in time
i sometimes wish i was not a night person
it would have been good to be like some people who can really sleep at 9pm then wake up at 5pm
or sleep 10pm then wake up at 6am and it takes less than 30min for them to leave the house

for me, there are days i cant sleep, so its either i have slept at 2am or was lucky to doze off at 12midnight
really! since i passed the age of 30, i am finding that i dont want to be rushed to go to work
its like i take 2 hrs every morning, but when i count, bath is just 10-15 min, ironing at 30-45 min, sitting for breakfast only 5min, where did all the other minutes go? i asked this one time to myself so i realized it doesnt take me 1min to decide if im going to have cornflakes for breakfast, it doesnt take me 1 min to decide what to wear (you are probably asking 'what?! you are doing the ironing everyday???') and somehow i take time between putting foundation powder and putting the eyeliner. then it doesnt take me 1min to decide what else i needed to do before i leave home
now the check the email routine has worsened these, though i multitask, somehow when i realize the replication is taking long then only i think better start breakfast or sumthin, then check every now and then
so leaving home in just 30min, just couldnt seem to do it, i feel so harassed
probably i dont want to stress first thing in the morning haha

getting somewhere in time, really still amazes me, maybe its just a perspective, because i am finding myself always on the brink, for example i just got 2min more to go and im still waiting for the elevator, i did allot 45min to travel, what happened? maybe this is what one of my friends is saying, in Singapore what she likes is being able to predict commuting time
maybe somehow i like the excitement and drama of chasing time, i find the singapore commute boring, hahaha

order in scheduling
i dont like routines, at exactly 630 im doing my breakfast, nahh thats not me, either it happened earlier because i woke up earlier or it happened at 7 because i did something else after i woke up
though there is order in the regularity i get hungry, hahaha! as my stomach dictates that i should have food every 3 hrs. except when i sleep

so the question is, how do i still exist, when the world or maybe the the better term is the majority of the population expects for people to become successful, they should be in order, in time, strategic, planned precisely, yadiyadiyahdah whatever terminology that can come up to emanate perfection
plus in the natural order of competition, really, its the disciplined, the almost perfect that naturally gets to win

but looking back, to have achieved discipline means routine
so it all goes back to not everybody is born to be a morning person, not everybody has the innate urge to be orderly
the undisciplined and the disciplined is somehow like the difference between
an abstract painter and a painter who could perfectly replicate anothers painting

so the question i pose, so not everybody was born to be winners???