wishes and wants

sometimes when i learn someone got a new car
got a new xx Million house, got a second car
got married and got a new baby
i dont know how to react
im not happy
coz honestly
i got green with envy

what have i become into?
vicious bitch?
bitter old maid?

i just read a quote on 11th hour
saying when you seem to be at the darkest
just one wait and it will be morning
or one step and you get there

i do try to remember to pause and think
has my life been a failure?
and i do remember
that well at least i have travelled
and enjoyed them a lot
that i have improved and
im not the same person as before

but sometimes i just wonder
when i walk into a room
is my presence felt?
i tried sexy, i tried beautiful
but maybe there is nothing that beats a passionate persona
how to be one then?

To have more than you've got, become more than you are.
what do i want?
i still know what i want
i still get excited when i see a range rover
i still wish for a man to fall in love with me
i still want to travel more

the quest for more means to be more than you are?
i just hope im not running out of time
maybe this is midlife crisis haha

to hell with perspectives!!!
so what! im always delayed anyway
in becoming a lady
in getting boyfriends
in travel

hmm just as a friend asked,
why didnt you die today anyway

maybe im rushing time
when im supposed to make the most out of it
hmmm