dear diary, im back

alcohol, nicotine
my best friends

so reliable
they dont walk away from my room

i need to sleep
it makes me sleepy
i want to have different feeling
it provides
maybe next time i will try buying menthol candy
and have it with drink

now im just so tipsy...
if only theres a faster way to disappear
i dont want gross
yucky
hmmm

someone designed the universe's rhythm

as always...
im seeing the light already,
meaning...
im near the end of a really dark tunnel (^_^)

life is always an uphill downhill climb

its an effort to climb up
but when you reach the top, its NICE!

when you are going downhill though
and its wet and slippery and you are falling
its R E A L L Y a struggle
not to mention if your going down a very steep slope
one really is grappling for roots, grass and barks to grab on to

in life, just like climbing, one actually forgets
especially amidst the struggle and grappling
that... at the end of the path
is achievement

in climbing, just like life,
it takes practice to survive
one has to be constantly aware and alert to surroundings
as somewhere along the path
there is always something to hold on to
preventing you from falling down
and much more from breaking some bones (^_^)
ohhh and dont ever go climbing without a buddy

on the other hand
one will never be able to climb
if one is not equipped
with strength, endurance,
................ persistence
maybe this is the key

the best part actually is
the learning after every stupid move
it broadens the horizon
it makes you not look down on others
as one can empathize
been there, done that

life actually then
is not so boring after all (^_^)

so... whats the relation to the title?
well......
life seems to be designed like climbing
yeahh...... there are other paradigms one can attach to life
but the thing is, if its designed
then there is a designer

dear diary

i got a new sales partner
i got a new boss

i just got rejected
i feel so little against a giant

im scared
its not just mix emotions but a jumble

i want to cry
i want to disappear

how to count the blessings
when im so negative

let me start
let me try

i have forgotten
Someone else has a plan for my life
there are friends around me
am i being a friend
maybe i have stopped reaching out
thats why noone misses me

why am i crying
why am i sentimental
blame it on the hormones?

nobody appreciates me?
or i have stopped appreciating
or maybe even dont appreciate myself

really how to get out of this rut